Thursday, August 11, 2005

May you receive many a paper cut

Went shopping today at the Fat Girl Store (tm) for some shirts.

While changing into one I could hear, over Miles' unintelligible but constant dialog, a woman giving her friend advice on her* clothing choices. Finally after reassuring and reassuring the woman trying on clothes that "it doesn't make your back fat stick out" the woman* trying on clothes must have flagged a stranger and asked her if it made her back fat stick out. "um, oh, no, not at all" Our hero* says "I can't believe her, she's thin. She's never been fat a day in her life, she doesn't understand"

The reason for the * is that I would have put $100 on the fact that the friend trying on clothes - the fat friend, we'll call her - was a transvestite. This person had a booming baritone.

Oh, I am dying to get a load of this pair by now. But life with a toddler means you often forget about that sort of thing in the frantic game to keep it amused so it doesn't screech.

I finally get up to the counter and there they are on the other side of the counter being checked out by a different clerk. First of all the fat friend appears to be around 50 years old, rather unattractive, but undeniably female. The other friend is nondescript. Until the fat friend walks away from the checkout for something and the other friend begins to speak. She says to the clerk - who is definitely as plus size as the rest of us heathens,

"I would love to shop here, you have great things, but I'm a size 3!"

I rolled my eyes so hard they are still mostly stuck up there. What an enormous bitch. and/or what a sad, sad life that you have to come into the Fat Girl Store and oh, so pointedly remark on your size. I started to image what else she must do in her spare time...

Waltzing into AA meetings and announcing, "I'd love to stay, but I am so drunk right now, I couldn't begin to find a chair!"

Speaking of waltzing, galloping into an amputee support group (they have those, right?) and saying "I'd love to dance the Lambada for you right now, but I have leg cramps!"

The unemployment office "Love to stay and get drunk with you, but I'm off to work!"

okay, these are getting lame. I don't like her.


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